John Rubino is a former Wall Street financial analyst and author or co-author of five books, including The Money Bubble: What to Do Before It Pops and Clean Money: Picking Winners in the Green-Tech Boom. He founded the popular financial website DollarCollapse.com in 2004, sold it in 2022, and now publishes John Rubino’s Substack newsletter.
Babylon Bee, Washington, D.C. — In a completely innocuous and in no way concerning recent update, the FBI Training Facility for Firearms and Small Weaponry has replaced all of its paper targets with copies of the Constitution of the United states.
According to anonymous sources within the FBI, the move was instituted in an attempt “to help agents in training practice shooting against the opponent they will most likely engage against in the field.”
“We just want our agents to receive training that will help develop them for future combat,” said FBI Director Christopher Wray as an FBI team practiced shooting down various copies of the Constitution with a sniper rifle, minigun, and bazooka on the range right behind him. “No, no, of course, there’s no reason to worry! Do we look like we would ever abuse our power or be in any way corrupt? Get out of town, my man! We’re just looking to produce top-notch shooters who could violate the Constitution with a 9mm at any range from five to forty-five meters!”
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