John Rubino is a former Wall Street financial analyst and author or co-author of five books, including The Money Bubble: What to Do Before It Pops and Clean Money: Picking Winners in the Green-Tech Boom. He founded the popular financial website DollarCollapse.com in 2004, sold it in 2022, and now publishes John Rubino’s Substack newsletter.
Civil War?…
So the US opens its borders and millions of people stream across. Border states are inundated, and Texas blocks one of the more popular illegal entryways with razor wire. The Supreme Court rules that the Feds can take the wire down, Texas says “try it and see,” and a bunch of other states (red in the map below) join the resistance:
(Babylon Bee, Nogales, TX) – In yet another 5-4 decision, the United States Supreme Court has ruled that Texas must remove all barbed wire along the border and replace it with a massive, plush red carpet.
“How will migrants be able to get in the country if there’s barbed wire in the way?” said a visibly confused Justice Sotomayor. “They might get hurt! An elegant red carpet makes much more sense. It’s soft and red and can helpfully point the way to gaps along our border and make our new migrants feel welcome. It says that in the Constitution somewhere. Like, in Section 3 Article B or whatever.”
The border patrol responded to the ruling immediately and is now hard at work cutting gaps in the barbed wire fence and rolling out a red carpet across the border. “Hooo boy! This is just like in the Hollywood picture shows!” said one officer while rolling out a carpet for a small band of Al Qaeda operatives and Somali pirates. “Welcome to America, friends! You’re all stars to us!”
… or World War?
It started with a proxy war in Ukraine, spread to Isreal, then Yemen…and now Iran?
(Babylon Bee) – According to sources, the nation still has a faint, distant memory of some obscure rule where the President couldn’t just declare war whenever he wanted on anyone he wanted.
“Yeah, I feel like that was a thing,” said one local woman to reporters. “It was, like, in some sort of document they wrote that had rules in it. I’m pretty sure it said the President can’t unilaterally dictate that the nation is going to war, right? What was that rule called?”
“Ugh, I can’t remember.”
Political experts point to Article I, Section 8, Clause 11 of the U.S. Constitution, which points out that Congress alone shall have power to “declare War, grant Letters of Marque and Reprisal, and make Rules concerning Captures on Land and Water […]” but the writing is old fashioned and written in this weird cursive language so it’s hard to say for sure what that means. “No one can really say what they were going for when they wrote that,” said one legal expert. “I’m not sure what ‘Marque and Reprisal’ even is. Was that a spy thriller from the ’90s?”
Experts later confirmed that it’s probably not a big deal so everyone should just not worry about it.
“We will act quickly and decisively to bomb the people who did that thing,” said President Biden. “It’s ok folks, no worries! Truladshure bizzguzzit!”
Meanwhile, the trust horizon keeps shrinking…
(“SPY” is the Standard & Poor’s 500 stock index)
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